Needless to say, I am not an environmentalist. I think Mr. Burns said it best back when The Simpsons was still good:
Mr. Burns: Oh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?! Well, maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing?! Well, I say, hard cheese.
But it is not only my antipathy for environmentalism that is at work here. I refuse to acknowledge any holiday created fewer than twenty-five years prior to my birth. If a holiday didn't have the decency to choose a champion prior to V-J Day, then it does not deserve to be celebrated and does not belong in any of the forthcoming sequels to Rise of the Guardians. I will make an exception to Ronald Reagan's Birthday, whenever Congress gets around to correcting its grievous error and gives Ron his own holiday. I propose we celebrate it by having all Federal Offices open for business, even if his birthday falls on the weekend, so that people go to work like Ron would have wanted.
I plan to spend the next ten days offering inspiring quotes to people who are sick of hippies and all things green. People who know deep down that recycling is stupid and only do it to impress women, and yes I have done it too. Impressing a woman is the only acceptable reason for a man to separate trash for recycling. I will speak for those who do not have a voice because their co-workers would make them miserable if they announced to the world that only cute animals need to be protected.
I kicked things day on FB with a statement about single use coffee pods. Over the next ten days I hope to put something on there every day. I encourage you all to do the same. If we don't band together and shut down the greenies, soon we will all be pawing through our own garbage like starving raccoons and driving four cylinders vehicles that will make our grandfathers' muscle cars weep.
Later
Bob
I concur. I remember when an ill-fated intern wanted to start recycling at work, I drink lots of diet soda. I said it was fine if they wanted to, even said I would pay for the can crusher and a trash can if they wanted. However, I pointed out that I would not change one thing that I did. That is, I would still place empty cans in the same trash I always did. They were welcome to dig it out and follow their own process.
ReplyDeleteResult: I did not hear from the intern again.