Ride

I have to write thirty-one entries about thirty-one songs so let's face it some of these are probably going to suck.  This one is definitely going to to suck, maybe not for you, but it is going to suck for me.

Somewhere on this blog, i looked but ran out of time before i had to go to Court, is an entry where i explain that every girl i get serious about gets a song.  This is the song that i associate with the girl and the relationship.  Sometimes it can ruin the song or at least make it hard to hear for a while.  Well, today we are going to do Erin's song.  No doubt the subject of Erin will come up again somewhere this month as she still casts a long shadow. (In fact i am certain of it based on one of the other songs i plan to do this month.)

I first heard this song on Scrubs in 2006.  It is featured episode ten of the fifth season.  In this episode J.D. breaks up with his fifth hottest romantic interest because she is not interested in the same things he is, such as settling down and starting a family.  The song is played as their relationship unravels.  If always found the use of this song to be ironic because the song is clearly set at the start of a relationship.

For me this song is about finding someone that you think is "the one."  This is the one girl that is going to become the most important thing in your life and you just hope that she thinks you are good enough for her.  For me the song conveys that feeling of complete vulnerability you feel when you put yourself out there and are waiting/hoping/praying that she is going to feel the same way.  No matter what happens nothing is going to be the same for you.

I thought i had that.  I did have that.  But now i do not.  I spent some time looking over my old entries.  There is one clear theme, I loved Erin.  (Ok there are several, like i love Diet Pepsi Lime and Community, ect but you get my point.)  I loved Erin more than anyone i had ever loved before.  Losing her and losing our marriage sucked.  It sucked a lot, more than anything i have ever experienced.  I still wish things had come out differently.  A year ago i could not write this, it would have been too hard.  Hell, it may have been to hard three months ago.  But now it is time to move on.

I know things are better because i can enjoy this song.  The moment i think this song is about is almost the scariest moment you experience, but it is also one of the best things you get to experience.  For me this song captures that moment perfectly.  I have said i am tone deaf to art, that is not strictly true.  I miss a lot, but i get this song.  This is a great song and the fact that i enjoy it again gives me hope that i will get to experience that moment again, and that at some point a new women makes me feel that feeling you get to experience when she says that she does want to be with you.

Later

Bob