Japanese Felines And Disappointment.

Today's Song is Hello Kitty.

I have good friends, better than I deserve.  I have said this before.  It bears repeating.  Sam is one of those friends who is better than I deserve.  Sam looks out for me and like a good friend occasionally takes a bullet for me.  Hello Kitty was one of those bullets.  He got to the song before me and warned me to stay away.  I even skipped the end of Buckley's Worst Songs of 2014 because Sam said there was too much Hello Kitty in it.

I listen to my friends when they warns me of danger.  I don't always take their advice, but I listen.  For an example ask Sam about XXXXXXXX. (Event omitted to protect Future Bob).  You could also ask Adam they gave a lot of good advice that was not followed.  Sometimes I like to play with fire.

Today was a play with fire day.  After ten months of listening to Sam and staying away from Hello Kitty I finally decided, "What the hell.  How bad can it be?"  Horrendously soul-taintingly bad, that's how bad it can be.  But before we get into this a little history lesson is in order.

I used to like Avril a lot.  Of course I did.  She is a pretty girl who sang songs with positive messages.  (I know, we'll get to Taylor later in the month, I promise.)  In fact this is how I explained it back in 2007:

The Best Damn Thing

April 17, is going to be a good day.  For the first time in ten years i got my taxes done early.  No rushing around at the last minute making sure that i get that stupid postmark.  This year i can kick back and relax, i am even getting a small refund.
But getting my taxes done early is no reason to write.  As much as i know you all hang upon my every word, even my most devoted fans don't want to hear about my taxes.  No.  Instead i am writing to let you know that Avril Lavigne has a new album coming out on the 17th.
Occasionally i hang out with philistines who cannot appreciate Avril's music.  So i thought i'd spend a little time explaining what i find so appealing about Ms. Levigne.  First off, i won't lie to you.  The fact that she is drop dead gorgeous is no small part of her appeal to me.  But if it stopped there i'd be writing about Paris Hilton or Christina Aguilera and her fake boobs. 
The main part of Avril's appeal to me is that she is exactly what i would want my daughters to choose as a role model, if i had daughters.  Avril is sexy without being slutty.  She projects an independent self-confidence.  Avril could not be a more perfect representation of girl power if she were created by Joss Whedon.
And, of course, i like pop music.  Avril does pop music very well.  Her music can be both feisty and poignant.  From what i have seen of the reviews of her album The Best Damn Thing, her latest effort is a light and fun with a nice punk-pop flavor. Girlfriend is an almost perfect Girl Power anthem that i like well enough to endure the inevitable gay jokes i will get for putting it on my page.
I believe i will take my small refund and use it to purchase The Best Damn Thing.  Maybe i will see you there on Tuesday.

Later
Bob

That was then, this is now.  And how is now?  Not so good, not for Ms. Lavigne.  The Best Damn Thing really was where things started to go wrong.  In her first two albums Avril displayed a maturity and poise most pop stars lack.  Her songs had depth and reflected positive values.  But it seems that for her third album she took a big step backwards.  The most likely explanation is that when she was younger she had good talent management and she listened to them.  Then she got a little older and thought, "I am a woman now and I'd decide what the fuck I do, not them.  In fact I'll show them all.  I'll act like a spoiled immature brat.  That'll show how grown up I am.  I'll even say "Fuck" on my album.  That's what adults do." Or something like that.

The Best Damn Thing was not a good album.  It wasn't the worst damn thing either though.  It was a step backwards, but there was a chance she'd recover.  But as time went on it did not look like things were going to get better.  It is easy to let the woman speak for herself, courtesy of the Wikipedia.

Themes in Lavigne's music include messages of self-empowerment from a female or an adolescent view.  Lavigne believes her "songs are about being yourself no matter what and going after your dreams even if your dreams are crazy and even if people tell you they're never going to come true."  On her debut album, Let Go, Lavigne preferred the less mainstream songs, such as "Losing Grip", instead of her more radio-friendly singles, such as "Complicated", saying that "the songs I did with the Matrix... were good for my first record, but I don't want to be that pop anymore."  Lavigne's second album, Under My Skin, had deeper personal themes underlying each song. Lavigne explained, "I've gone through so much, so that's what I talk about.... Like boys, like dating or relationships". In contrast, her third album, The Best Damn Thing, was not personal to her. "Some of the songs I wrote didn't even mean that much to me. It's not like some personal thing I'm going through."  Her objective in writing the album was simply to "make it fun". Goodbye Lullaby, Lavigne's fourth album, was much more personal than her earlier records,  with Lavigne describing the album as "more stripped down, deeper. All the songs are very emotional".  [Wikipedia original citations omitted]

 Apparently being deep did not agree with her because that isn't the vibe she went for in her self-titled 2013 album.  It is on this album that she place the disaster set to music that is Hello Kitty.  If you want to see the song thoroughly trashed check out Dose Of Buckley.  He does a better and funnier job of trashing it than I care to, I still like Avril too much to be too harsh.

The purpose of this post is to explain why the song just didn't have that big of an impact on me. 

The simplest explanation for why the song did not hurt me the way Sam expected is because Avril has been preparing me for this moment for years.  She has been acting immature and spoiled.  I admired her because she was a positive role model for young women.  I doubt anyone sees her that way now.  She is a thirty year old woman.  Selena Gomez is too mature and evolved as an artist to make Hello Kitty.  At some point you have to grow up and mature as an artist.  Taylor Swift did this masterfully with 1989.  (Again later in the month, I promise.)  Avril has been regressing as an artist and a human being for years.

Maybe if she were just slacking as an artist, I'd still be shocked; but, Avril has been regressing as a human being.  As if dating Brody Jenner were not bad enough, she went and got a matching tattoo with him and had his name tattooed under her right breast. (Fortunately her Brody tattoo as it was not noticeable in any of her leaked pictures.)  To top things off she moved to France.  I get it, after the lapse in judgment that was Brody Jenner fleeing to another continent made sense, but France?  To quote an anonymous but pity writer, "The problem with France is that it is full of French people."

Avril has been letting me down for so long that there was just no shock value left to Hello Kitty.  Once i might have actually found it to be soul-taintingly bad, now it is just another hyperbole used to spice up the post.  Hello Kitty is just another dumb and repetitive song that has no artistic merit.  It could be a Iggy Azalea song with a hotter girl singing.  Avril is still hot, she has not let her fans down there.

So thanks, Sam, for taking that bullet.  Maybe ten months ago I would not have been ready for one more turd to be piled on the heap of shit that was 2014 for me, but 2015 is a much better year  I am in a much better place.  A place good enough to watch Hello Kitty and not weep for all that the world has lost as a result of one woman's wrong turn.

Later

Bob

P.S.

I have started to capitalize the letter "I" when referring to myself.  I started the month following my previous convention but find that it no longer suits me.  Maybe I have grown and changed as a person.  Or maybe I am simply more conventional now.  That is the topic for a different post.

P.P.S.

When I went to check the word count, I inadvertently deleted the entire article.  Back in the old days this would have been a disaster.  Now I just had to hit the undo button.  That is progress, people.